Forever etched in my mind is the image of a man in his seventies approaching me with tears in his eyes. With a heavy heart, he shared his story. He recounted how, in his teenage years, his girlfriend informed him that she was pregnant. Fear and uncertainty overwhelmed him as he watched his girlfriend and her parents decide that obtaining an abortion was the best course of action. Unsure of his role, he witnessed his girlfriend getting into the car to go to the medical office to end the life of their child. Their relationship didn’t last much longer after the procedure, but his next words will always stay with me.
With tears streaming down his face, he looked at me and said, “I think about my child every single day of my life!” He had lived with regret, brokenness, and guilt for decades. I longed for him to experience freedom and restoration.
Abortion is often seen as a women’s issue. Those advocating for abortion have propagated the message that men have no say in whether their child lives or dies. The mantra for women, “My body, my choice,” has been effectively marketed in society and has silenced men in a painful way.
As difficult as it has been for women to discuss their abortion experiences and find safe spaces for healing, it is even more taboo and uncommon for men. Many men believe that they are alone in experiencing negative emotions following the abortion of their child. It is challenging for them to identify and understand their feelings.
Author Guy Condon and David Hazard have written an excellent book, Fatherhood Aborted, to shed light on the struggles men may face after an abortion and how they can find healing.
In this book, they describe some of the issues that post-abortive men may experience:
- Struggles in relationships.
- Inability to trust friends.
- Anger.
- Addictions.
- Sexual compulsions.
As post-abortive men find themselves grappling with these issues, they may not realize that the root cause is their abortion experience. They try to address the symptoms (relationship struggles, trust issues, anger, etc.) instead of focusing on healing from the loss of their child.
Condon and Hazard highlight in their book:
“They (men) pay with a deep sense of shame when they’d love nothing better than to feel clean and not stained or defective before God. They pay with years of guilt when they’d love to feel worthy around women and children. They pay in their efforts to measure up when they’re around ‘decent’ men whose brotherhood they’d like to share.” (pg 27)
In an abortion decision, everyone loses. The baby loses their life, and the mother and father lose a significant part of themselves.
It is heartbreaking to realize how many people are carrying the burden of their abortion experience throughout their lives without knowing where to find help. Churches are uniquely positioned to be a bridge for healing. Through the transformative power of Jesus Christ, freedom and restoration are available to all.
Perhaps you would like to start a post-abortion healing group for men and women in your church. Training and curriculum resources are available to implement this impactful ministry. Check out our resource page HERE for training on establishing after-abortion care in your church.
It is time to set the captives free!
