Often times, we are unsure what to say to someone who is experiencing a great loss. Sometimes our quick responses leave the other feeling more wounded, even though it was not our intention.
Loss from miscarriage, still-birth and abortion generally carry silent grief. Many times, others are unaware of the loss, and the person affected feels unable to share. And, if they do, the response of others can be heart-wrenching. For those who have suffered a miscarriage or a still-birth, common statements such as the following can be very painful:
- “Don’t worry. You’ll get pregnant again.”
- “I guess God needed your little angel in heaven.”
- “It wasn’t really a baby yet.”
- “At least you already have another child.”
- “What went wrong?”
- “It just wasn’t the right timing.”
- “You’ll be fine. A lot of people have miscarriages.”
For those who have had an abortion, grieving afterwards often feels undeserved. If they do share with someone, they may receive a judgmental response in return. They may hear:
- You knew it was wrong before you did it.
- It was your decision. No one forced you to do it.
- It’s not a big deal. You’ll get over it.
Learning how to respond in a way that will bring healing through the power of Jesus Christ is imperative. The Church should be the safest place to go to in order to find healing from wounds.
I was recently introduced to an amazing organization called Reproductive Loss Network. They specialize in helping organizations and individuals understand the depth and impact of Reproductive Loss and how they can help. They offer a terrific workshop in which they empower attendees to understand what those who have experienced loss feel, and how the Bible and the power of Jesus Christ contain everything needed to bring healing.
I love their commitment to the sufficiency of Scripture. One of their greatest statements was, “The enemy will never lead anyone to healing.” It’s the enemy who wants people to stay in suffering. God wants people to be free. John 10:10 says it best, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” It is Jesus Christ alone that can bring healing and hope.
The “wisdom” that comes out of your mouth demonstrates where your trust is – whether it is the “wisdom” of the world, the “wisdom” of secular psychology, your own personal brand of “wisdom”, or the “wisdom” of God in the Bible.
Heath Lambert, A Theology of christian counseling
Reproductive Loss Network is available to provide on-site trainings for your organization or even individually through their online trainings. To learn more about them, click HERE.
If the Church doesn’t speak messages of healing in the area of Reproductive Loss, the world will … and the world has nothing to offer. Let’s be the healing hand of God to those in our churches who are silently suffering.
